


Dream A Little Nightmare Of Me

by rawaz



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, POV Peeta Mellark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 15:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10596606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rawaz/pseuds/rawaz
Summary: What if Peeta and Katniss started being friends before the Tour? What if Peeta was a little less passive towards Katniss' treatment of him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to the first chapter of my first fanfic. It is unbeta-ed and english is not my first language so...
> 
> I am not Suzanne Collins, just so we're clear.
> 
> Enjoy.

_As I become aware of my surrounding I realise I am in a forest. It is eerily quiet, not a sound except for my breathing which is heavy and ragged, it’s like I have been running towards something. A flutter in the tree to my right catches my attention. As I turn around I see a mockingjay perched on a tree limb across from me._

 

_I move closer to the bird, its attention is caught by my loud footsteps and it turns to me to look me in the eye. I stop in front of it but the bird doesn’t seem to be afraid of me or bothered by my presence, opting to glance at me curiously rather than to fly away. The mockingjay raises its head to look at me. I take a step back as its silver eyes gaze into me with an intensity that my heart skips a beat. The bird chirps a happy little melody that makes me smile. A sense of calm washes over me and I feel like I could listen to this bird forever._

 

_I feel an urge to run my finger through the mockingjay’s feathers but as my hand makes contact with its feathers the flesh starts to melt off of its face. The mockingjay continues looking at me silently as it slowly turns to ash. My heart almost beats out of my chest and my breaths come out fast and shallow. Suddenly a screeching scream reaches my ears and it feels like someone is gripping my heart with icy fingers._

 

_I start running in the direction of the scream as fast as I can and before long I reach a clearing on the woods. My heart jumps to my throat as I see Katniss surrounded by a pack of mutts circling her. Blood is trickling down her head and neck. She has her arrow trained on them and from the look of fear in her eyes I know that she knows that she cannot take them all on. I make a move to help Katniss but as I take a step forward my leg gives way and I fall on the ground. I look at my legs and gasp in horror as I see that my left leg is missing._

 

_A growl captures my attention. I turn around in time to see Cato closing in on Katniss from behind. I try to scream but my voice dies in my throat. I start to crawl towards Katnissand will her with my mind to look behind her. Please Katniss, please. Cato looks at me for a second before he buries his sword in Katniss’ heart. She collapses on the ground in a pool of her own blood. She trembles violently on the ground gasping, peering into my eyes, accusing me for my uselessness. With a final gasp she closes her eyes, disappointment reflected in them…_

 

I gasp as I wake up. It was a nightmare. Not the first one I had since I came home and I have a pretty good feeling it won’t be the last either. A look around the room tells me I’m in my bedroom in Victor’s Village. My clothes are soaked in sweat despite the open window. The moon light flitting in through the window basks the room in silvery brilliance. I close my eyes for a moment and instantly regret that decision as Katniss’ lifeless form comes to the forefront of my mind. 

 

I huff a breath, It looks like it will be one of those nights that I will paint till sunrise. I try to move out of bed but fall flat on my face. I forgot about my missing limb. Sometimes I can still feel it, it will take some time to truly get used to my leg, or rather lack thereof. I crawl to the prosthetic propped on the side of the bed from where I left it before going to bed and attach it with a snap. 

 

I splash some cold water on my face in the bathroom then make my way to the room across my bedroom that I turned to a studio. I chose this room as my studio because the lighting is great, and because it conveniently has a window with a view of Katniss’ house up and across the street. 

 

I find the air in the room stifling so I open the window and let some night air in. Before I go back inside I chance a look at Katniss’ house and see some movement in one of the rooms upstairs. _She is safe._ I release a breath I didn’t know I was holding. _She is safe and alive… and pretends that you don’t exist._ My breath hitches and my eyes sting as I remember that day during the train stop four weeks ago when she said she was pretending in the arena. 

 

I move back inside and begin preparing my canvas for tonight’s nightmare. I am too tired right now to deal with pain and heartbreak that Katniss’ admission brought me before we came home. 

 

I start mixing paint and adding them to the canvas. The colours from the Capitol’s paints are rich and vibrant and it took me some time to get used to working with them, I could never afford buying paints when I was younger so I mainly sketched with pencils and odd pieces of charcoal. These colours are the only good thing to come out of my winning the Games, that and my life , though I don’t feel very happy about the latter at the moment.

 

I continue adding swirls and swirls of colour to the canvas. How could I have been so stupid? Of course she was acting, she only pretended so she could win and come back to Primrose, and… _NO!_ Even thinking about her and _Hawthorne’s_ ‘relationship’ fills my mouth with a sour taste and bottoms out my stomach. I dip my brush in the green paint and add it to the canvas. I should have been more careful. Granted, I was at death’s door when she found me, but still I should have known it was an act. _It was too good to be true._

 

How could I fall for her act when she threatened to kill me after our interviews before the Games, but started to kiss me after they announced the rule change? I move my brush across the canvas stopping every few seconds to gauge my progress. It is all my fault anyway, I let myself hope for something that was never mine to have.

 

I put the finishing touches on the painting when I realise that the sun has crept up the horizon and it’s now morning. I take a step back and inspect the labor of my sleepless night. I take in her accusatory gaze as she looks through me behind her bow and arrow when she almost shot me after they revoked the rule change. Releasing a heavy sigh I take down the painting and add it to the pile that will never see the light of day, all of them featuring Katniss. 

 

I am not in the mood to stay in this room any longer and I don’t bother cleaning up my mess. It is time to start baking for today. Painting, baking, nights filled with nightmares in an empty house, and stopping myself from going insane is what has become of my life after returning to District 12.

 

I enter the kitchen and bring out the ingredients for today’s bread. As a privileged Victor of The Hunger Games I now have a pantry full of spices, flour, and all different kinds of fruits and meats that I have only seen in books at my disposal, all at the cost of my soul and sanity, and the blood of 22 innocent children. _Marvel telling me about his little sister. Glimmer accepting me into the pack. Clove sneaking glances at Cato when she thought he wasn’t watching_. 

 

I try a different recipe every morning, culinary creations that I never had the freedom nor the resources to try. I put the bread in the oven and sit at the kitchen table. I have no appetite this morning so I just settle for a cup of tea. Today I am supposed to help decorate the cakes at the bakery and I plan to stop by there after I deliver the bread to the Everdeens and make sure Haymitch is alive.

 

The sound of the oven timer pulls me out of my thoughts. I pack two loaves ofbread and make my way to the Everdeen household. 

 

I have been bringing them bread every morning since the cameras left three weeks ago. I knock on the door and like every other morning Mrs. Everdeen appears at the door and takes the bread. We go through our morning routine of exchanged pleasantries and declined invitations. If I want an awkward situation I would ask Haymitch how condoms work. 

 

I make my way to Haymitch and will my stomach to settle as I open the door and the smell of stale old liquor greets me and move inside to find Haymitch dead to the world at the kitchen table.

 

“Haymitch” I try to wake him up but he just smacks his lips and stays passed out.

 

“Haymitch” I try again louder as I shake him by the shoulder.

 

He opens his bloodshot eyes, most likely from consuming his own weight in white liquor.

 

“Boy, Do you not know it is illegal to speak in the presence of someone who is hungover?” he mumbles. 

 

I don’t bother with a reply. He drinks the glass of water I set in front of him. I search his drawers for a knife to cut the bread with and I open and close the drawers unnecessarily loud just to irate him. He grumbles but doesn’t say anything. I find a knife and cut a big slice of the bread. I place the plate in front of him and he starts picking at it.

 

“So, is this going to become a routine now?” Haymitch asks around a mouthful of bread.

 

“Hey, if you don’t like the bread I can take it elsewhere.” I reach in to take the bread but Haymitch swats my hand away.

 

“Don’t touch my bread.” He places another bite in his mouth and chews theatrically. “I mean you and sweetheart waking me up at ungodly hours”. My lips dip in a frown at the mention of Katniss but he continues. “This used to be such a quiet and peaceful neighbourhood” he sighs dramatically.

 

So Katniss has been visiting him? I guess it is only me she avoids like the plague. “Sorry about that Haymitch, I know how much you need your beauty sleep.”

 

He chuckles and starts cutting another slice. I take the bread and put it in his empty fridge. _What was he eating before we started feeding him?_ I make my way to the door to leave but something catches my eye.

 

A chessboard. My grandfather taught me the rules when I was a kid. If Haymitch is interested I’d like to play with him. _I feel so alone._  

 

I leave Haymitch and start my walk to the bakery. Since my victory I don’t have to work there but I miss my brothers and my father so I visit on Sundays when my mother goes to the Cartwrights to gossip and play cards.

 

The ding of the bell signals my arrival at the bakery. My father is standing at the register so I assume Rye is working the kitchen.

 

“Good morning, Peeta” dad greets as he hands a loaf of the day-olds to a customer.

 

“Morning, you have anything for me?”

 

“Yes, we got quite a number of toasting cakes for you to decorate.” Every year after the Games are finished we have a lot of requests about cakes for Merchant toastings, people from the Seam never set foot in the bakery.

 

“I better get to working then.” I say and move to the kitchen.

 

Since coming back, my father insists that only I should decorate the cakes, stating that I am the best artist since my brother Oliver got married and joined his wife’s business at the dress maker. I think he just wants me to keep coming to the bakery since I don’t have to work here. He fears for me living alone. I fear for myself too.

 

I go into the kitchen and see that Rye is pulling a trey of cookies from the oven. He hasn’t heard me and I don’t greet him because he is an asshole. I make my way to the decorating station and start on a two tier cake. The customer has asked for a cake in the colours of autumn. I start frosting when Rye notices me.

 

“Shit bro, you look like a ghost.” Yup, an asshole.

 

“Then why aren’t you running away screaming?”

 

“Dude, have you seen yourself? You would be the least scary ghost ever.” He goes to put another trey in the oven.

 

“Believe me Peet if I become a ghost, people would have to leave 12.” he says with a grin.

 

“Yeah, right. The only place you would haunt would be the girl’s locker room.”

 

“Ok shitface, if you become a ghost what would you do?” He asks me as I frost an orange leaf.

 

_Spend every ghostly moment with Katniss…and drive Hawthorne crazy_ , I smile as I think about this but instead I reply “haunt your ass”.

 

“Pu-lease. You and I both know you would only haunt one person, which is funny because that’s the only way you could spend time with her.”

 

I falter as I hear this. I look up and see him sporting a grin. I don’t know what is so funny about your crush wanting nothing to do with you.

 

I frown and continue frosting. The silence drags on and I am relieved that he let the conversation die. I don’t want to talk about my situation with Katniss. We work silently for some time and I am putting the finishing touches on the cake when to my dismay Rye opens his mouth.

 

“Delly came by yesterday asking about you.” I finish the cake and Rye takes it to the display case. I start working on another. “I told her you were still moping around over Katniss.” at this my I jerk my head so quickly my neck almost snaps. I give him my best glare and open my mouth to speak but he cuts me off. “Relax. I told her you were still getting used to your new leg and can’t make regular trips to town.”

 

I mumble an insincere “thank you” and get back to frosting.

 

“So, what are you gonna do about the whole Katniss situation?”

 

“Geez, Rye just let it go. Why do you care o much about that anyway?”

 

“Because you are my brother and this has clearly upset you,” he surprises me with his response “and because you are more fun to be around when you’re not looking like a kicked puppy.”

 

“I do not look like a kicked puppy!” I say with a vehemence that catches both of us off guard. I just want to be done with this conversation. “and Katniss doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

 

“I just find it strange that after pining away for eleven years, pathetically I might add, that you give up on her after two months.”

 

I throw the frosting gun down and frown at Rye but he is undeterred “I don’t know what happened between you two, but I don’t think it’s anything your silver tongue won’t handle” he says wagging his eyebrows at me.

 

I slam my fist on the table “it was an act, how she acted in the arena.” I say curtly, then softer I add “she only did it for the sponsors.”

 

Rye looks at me for several seconds than asks “Everything?”

 

I blink at him “what?”

 

“Was everything an act? I mean, things got really steamy in the cave Peet.” he says while ridiculously fanning himself with his hand. I am thankful for Rye, nobody knows how to act around me since returning, they all treat me like I might break any second, but Rye still gives me hell and drives me crazy, he made sure nothing change between us. I love him for it, but I will die before I tell him that.

 

I contemplate his question about Katniss and I. I went over every second in the arena a thousand times searching for some answer but I found nothing. Thinking about the conversation at the train tracks steals the breath from my lungs.

 

_“It was all for the cameras how you acted.”_

 

_“Not all of it.”_

 

I widen my eyes in astonishment as I remember her words. At the moment and every time I recalled that conversation I didn’t pay much attention to Katniss’ response to my question. I was hurt and embarrassed, and I thought she played me for a fool. This piece of newly discovered information fills my broken heart with joy and no matter how hard I try I can’t bury it. I have to talk to Katniss. I get back to work with newfound vigor. I don’t answer Rye’s question but he can sense my sudden realisation and mercifully leaves me alone. 

 

_‘Not all of it.’_ What did she mean? What was real and what wasn’t? Were the kisses real? Was she prepared to swallow the berries? I know I was.

 

The rest of the day passes by in a blur. During lunch I notice that there is no fresh meat on the table, when I ask my father he says Katniss hasn’t come by to trade since returning home. I know she is afraid of running into me, I will set everything right today.

 

After finishing three more cakes I say my goodbyes and walk home. The skin of my stump is sore and painful but still there is a spring to my steps. I walk with purpose to the Everdeens’ house. I will talk with Katniss and will not let her run away from me.

 

Primrose opens the door when I knock.

 

“Hello, Peeta. How can I help you?” she greets me with a smile.

 

“Hi, Primrose,” I reply “I was wondering if Katniss was home? I would like to talk to her.” The words are formal and stilted. I feel like a young schoolboy asking if his friend can come out to play. This is my first time speaking with Primrose, the girl Katniss was prepared to die for. _She must be really special._

 

“She went out early in the morning and hasn’t come back,” she must see my shoulders sagging and my smile falter because she adds “you are welcome to wait for her if you would like.”

 

I thank her and step inside the house. We go into the living room and sit down. Primrose offers me something to drink and I ask for a glass of water. My throat is so dry I can’t swallow.

 

Primrose is alone at home, explaining that her mother had to leave for a delivery in the Seam. I ask her about school, she starts talking nonstop about her friends and classes with enthusiasm. She is very different from Katniss, who is taciturn and scowling most of the time whereas Primrose speaks and smiles without a worry in the world. _Katniss must have protected her well from the harsh realities of life._

 

I notice an open book on the table with what I think is supposed to be a flower sketched next to some writing. Primrose catches my eye and explains that this is her mother’s plant book when I ask her,she was studying so someday she could be a healer like her. I ask permission to read the book and she grants it.

 

_Easter Lily,_ the title reads in a neat scrawl, I look at the picture, it must have been drawn by a child. 

 

“Who made the drawings?” I ask Primrose who stopped talking when I started reading the book.

 

“Entries were added by different people,” she answers with a smile, she leans over to look at the picture, “Katniss did that one.”

She is a terrible artist, the petals are of different sizes and the lines are broken. I read the writing beside the picture and softly trace my finger over the beautifully handwritten words in loop sided letters. 

 

The sound of the door opening and closing drags me out of my thoughts and in seconds Katniss enters the room. The look on her face is what I imagine what the squirrels she hunts must look like. I stand up and start to talk before she runs.

 

“Hey, Katniss. It’s good to see you.” Except she doesn’t look good. Her eyes are sunken, her cheeks hollow, and there are dark shadows under her eyes. 

 

Her eyes are flitting around the room, landing on anything that is not me. _Please look at me. Please acknowledge me._

 

“Hi, Peeta.” She answers quietly after a few beats of silence.

 

I stand there awkwardly until thankfully Primrose’s voice cuts through the quiet room like a knife “Peeta has been waiting for you” she tells Katniss and her eyes snap to her in surprise then to me. _Finally._

 

For just a moment it is just like our school days, our eyes meeting for just a second before we both look away. I come back to the present as Primrose collects her books “I am going upstairs to finish my homework.” Katniss gives her a look that looks a lot like betrayal. Primrose smiles at me and scurries upstairs with Katniss’ eyes following her.

 

I sink into my chair with a sigh, she sits across from me and keeps her gaze down on her hands folded in her lap.

 

I rack my brain for something to say but come up with nothing. Katniss becomes more nervous and impatient by the second, she starts bouncing her leg and begins fiddling with her braid.

 

“I’m sorry” I suddenly blurt out, she tries to speak but I continue “it was wrong of me and unfair to you to hold you to anything that happened in the Arena.”

 

She is surprised and perplexed. She opens her mouth to speak a few times but nothing comes out, finally she says, “I am sorry too. I should have found a way to tell you in the cave.”

 

I shake my head “I gave you enough reason to doubt me.” 

 

_“She is just worried about her boyfriend.” I wince in pain as I remove a bloody shard of pottery from my hand._

 

_“Gale’s not my boyfriend” she answers hotly._

 

_“Whatever. I bet he is smart enough to know a bluff when he sees it……_

_“Remember we are madly in love, so you can kiss me anytime you feel like it”._

 

“Besides, your quick thinking saved us in the arena.” I continue.

“You saved me from Cato.”

 

“We saved each other.” I say and I’m rewarded with an understanding nod and a slight upturn of her lips. It is not a smile but I still count it as one, “so now we are even.”

 

“Even?” she repeats. She seems uncertain and a bit thrilled at the idea.

 

“Yeah, now we can start being friends,” I say earnestly. I can’t help but push, but I have to become something to her. _Say yes Katniss. Don’t send me back into nothingness._

 

The few seconds she thinks about it feel like a lifetime but she finally gives me a hesitant nod.

 

My heart leaps in joy at her answer. I look out the window and see that it is getting late. I have to go home to prepare dinner _._

 

“I have to go home, but before I go I have to ask you a very important question.” I smile at the panicked look on her face. I pause for a moment, “what is your favourite colour?”

 

She stares at me for a second then bursts out laughing. _It is glorious._

 

“What?” I ask her with a smile.

 

“I was not expecting that.”

 

I chuckle “seriously though, what is it?”

 

“Green, like the forest,” _s_ he says staring into my eyes, “you?”

 

_Mercury with flecks of blue._ “Orange” I say instead, she scrunches up her nose. It is adorable. 

 

“Like Effie’s hair?”

 

“No, a more muted orange, like the sunset.” 

 

She closes her eyes to imagine the colour and nods “It is beautiful.”

 

I stand up “I have to go Katniss,” _is that disappointment I see on her face?_ “but feel free to come by anytime to talk or whatever.” _It’s not like I’m sleeping anyway._

 

We part ways on her front door. As I walk back to my house I can’t help but glance back at Katniss’ house. A feeling sweeps through me that I lost from the moment Effie called Primrose’s name. _I feel hope._


End file.
